After many years of wine tasting you are a real wine connoisseur. At
home you have collected an impressive wine cellar full of exquisite wines. You
know all wine regions and the most common grapes. When you have visitors at
home you always know how to impress people with a well-chosen bottle of wine.
During restaurant visits the wine list always ends up in your hand and people
are staring at you full of admiration while you are selecting a white for the
starter and a red for the main course. When tasting a wine with the
well-dressed sommelier standing next to you still presenting the bottle, you
feel like a king!
Probably you have followed one or two wine courses, where you confirmed that
you are good with wine. You are a gifted taster, at least better than your
family members and many friends. Besides you are subscribed to one or more
international wine magazines, out of interest, but also to discover new wines.
Often you are surfing on the web to obtain extra information about a wine,
winemaker or wine region, and so you end up on the holy grail of the web, the
many wine blogs. The best proof of this is that you are reading this article.
You already have met many winemakers and you always know what to ask them. You
know the basis of wine making and you know that to obtain healthy grapes a lot
of work has to be done in the vineyard. You often are involved in wine tasting
sessions and when tasting blindly you sometimes make a fool of yourself, while
being jealous of someone next to you who seems to be able to provide better
descriptions of the tasted wines. I guess you start to sit uncomfortable on you
chair by now, as you really recognise yourself in the above description. No
need to, as I just described the average wine lover, and not you specificly, as
I probably don’t know you.
OK, I just continue my article, well knowing that I start skating on
thin ice and that some people will felt attacked. I frankly don’t care about
people masturbating while looking at a prestigious wine label on a bottle. Everyone
needs his pleasures and comforts, just like a baby like to suck on a piece of
plastic in the shape of a female nipple. But I read and hear more and more the biggest
nonsense from wine journalists or connoisseurs or even sommeliers when
describing a wine. And I have to say, I am sick and tired of this bullshit. Wine
tasting is reduced to a recital of subjective taste sensations: ‘red fruit, I
think red berry, but very ripened, even sultry, oh but also some leather, a
kind of sandal leather and after a while even development of butter... and prunes and yes, also graphite and
King-mints (I am not joking)’. Tasters are just happy while detecting a smell of dry grass in their glass, where I think it is much more interesting to think about the equilibrium, purity, freshness, drinkability, minerality and stability of the wine, but also the quality of the finnish for instance. I have read wine tasting notes where the
juice was still described as wonderful even having impressions of varnish, a
likable paint odour, touches of turpentine, warm wood glue, Tipp-Ex, a typical
rubber nose, black elastic (I am still not joking), old cheese, a smelly well,
nice burned flavours (?), gasoline, hairspray or a mysterious sulphur scent.
According to me those are all errors in a wine. What am I saying; those are for
sure all faults in a wine that even can be explained chemically. Apparently
there is a diminishing of norms taken place in the area of wine. Believe me; if
these characteristics are reflected in a wine, then something seriously went
wrong during the vinification. There is even a chance that the wine is already
in an irreversible phase on its way to vinegar, certainly if you detect
acetaldehyde (ethanal) or ethyl acetate ester. There might be the frequent use of
chemicals in the vineyard and in the cellar, where after the formation of H2S
in the juice other chemicals as mercaptans and/or thiols are formed, which
provides unpleasant odours. Personally I find it important that any wine
drinker is aware of this type of information and realise that this impurities
should be avoid in a wine or any drink. There is no sane and critical person
who wouldn’t scratch his head when detecting those kind of smells in a plate of
food. ‘Yes, Mister 3-Michelin stars Chef, the sole with grilled, smoked and
lacquered Oosterschelde eel, served with fresh quinoa with aromatic herbs and
season vegetables, spider crab emulsion and dashi was delicious, especially
when combined with that subtle scent of burned rubber giving the whole creation
an extra punch.' To clearify my point we all know for sure that every glass of industrial orange juice with the smell of Tipp-Ex will stay untouched. I still don't rest my case...
Also when I occasionally read the international wine press, I am
shocked by so much amateurism and ignorance. I recall a wine tasting note from
a top wine from Rhône, written by the most loved and hated wine journalist on
this globe, where he described the delicious flavours of ‘chicken manure’.
Indeed, chicken shit, or rather manure, but we all know what the first phase is
of manure. Probably there was an infection of the Uncinula Necator fungus, but
please do not see this as something positive in a beverage. Another common
attack is Brett (from Brettanomyces yeast) with ethyl 4-phenol as a
notable derivate. A slight contamination will provide a nose of stable or leather.
Most of the time I associate it with the smell of Geuze-beer. But with higher
concentration your wine starts to smell like shit and I hope we can agree that
this is not what we are aiming for.
‘Quel beau nez Petrolé’, is what you hear quiet often when describing
the nose of a Riesling. This typical smell of petrol should be due to the
unique minerality of the terroir some tried to make us believe. In fact the
North American specialised press label a Riesling without these characteristics
as atypical. Just be sure that most German winegrowers exclaim a loud big ‘scheisse’
when detecting 1,1,6-trimethyl-1,2-dihydronaphthalene in the juice, knowing at
the same time that they will be able to sell the wine anyway. Look, that you
and you and you and basically half the planet like the smell of petrol in a
wine glass should not bother me too much, but I like it when people are informed
correctly. By the way I would also advice to look up the nearest refinery in
your area and to drive regularly towards it if you like that smell. Also avoid
washing your hand after fueling your car. With a bit of luck you can still smell
that perfume at night in bed. Not sure if your partner will like it.
Another molecule is however considered at the slightest sensation by any
wine drinker as an error: 2,4,6-trichlooranisol. When detecting even a ppm of
this substance in the wine every connoisseur will ostentatiously and clearly
conditioned thrown away the wine and to make sure to warn everyone by a big shout
of the word ‘cork’. There is absolutely no question to try to detect other sensations
to this devilish wine.
To finalise this article, I would like to focus on natural wines. Let’s
face it: there are a lot of bad natural wines on the market. As the demand is
growing fast, there are more and more (young) wine makers who tried to make the
step, sometimes forgetting that there are many obstacles to the creation of a
pure balanced stable wine. Their bottles are imported by the many wine
importers who are dying to get new ‘organic’ talents in their wine range. One
of the biggest problems, according to me is the stability of the wines. Very
often they are not, which you can easily detect, except most wine importers. This
means I get more and more remarks that natural wines are awful except a few
exceptions. I tend to agree with this statement!!
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